Funnyun Jokes

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=150 BGCOLOR="#00FF66" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="95" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 46 WIDTH="91"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="46" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="91" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id47.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 2"><U>Page 2</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id48.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 3 "><U>Page 3</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id138.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 4"><U>Page 4</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id153.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 5"><U>Page 5</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id243.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 6"><U>Page 6</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id244.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 7"><U>Page 7</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id245.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 8"><U>Page 8</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#00FFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B>Welcome to Mr G's web site</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >  </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#333399" FACE="Arial" >   </FONT>|     <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome to Mr Gs web site"><U>home</U></A></div> <bR> <div> Funnyun Jokes </div> <div>   </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div>  <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are</FONT></div> <div> about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a</div> <div> little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand</div> <div> against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:</div> <div> "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"</div> <div> Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will</div> <div> see us!"</div> <div> Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"</div> <div> Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"</div> <div> Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all</div> <div> sleeping!"</div> <div> Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"</div> <div> Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so</div> <div> much?!?"</div> <div> Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"</div> <div> Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"</div> <div> Her: "No, no. I just can't"</div> <div> Him: "I beg you ... "</div> <bR> <div> Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and</div> <div> the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair</div> <div> dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says:</div> <div> "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob.</div> <div> Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says he can</div> <div> come down himself and do it. But for fucks sake tell</div> <div> him to take his hand off the intercom..." </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="163133d0.gif" border=0 width="275" height="61" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Rules that Women need to Know!</U></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.</div> <bR> <div> 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.</div> <bR> <div> 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.</div> <bR> <div> 4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.</div> <bR> <div> 5. Get rid of your cat.</div> <bR> <div> 6. Sunday = Sports.</div> <bR> <div> 7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.</div> <bR> <div> 8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their  right to</div> <div> complain about having their boobs stared at.</div> <bR> <div> 9. You have too many shoes.</div> <bR> <div> 10. Crying is blackmail.</div> <bR> <div> 11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.</div> <bR> <div> 12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.</div> <bR> <div> 13. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank</div> <div> range. We're bound to miss sometimes.</div> <bR> <div> 14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.</div> <bR> <div> 15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.</div> <bR> <div> 16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.</div> <bR> <div> 17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an</div> <div> argument.</div> <bR> <div> 18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us</div> <div> to act like soap opera guys.</div> <bR> <div> 19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the</div> <div> ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.</div> <bR> <div> 20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how</div> <div> pretty you are?</div> <bR> <div> 21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.</div> <bR> <div> 22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it</div> <div> done - Not both.</div> <bR> <div> 23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.</div> <bR> <div> 24. You have enough clothes.</div> <bR> <div> 25. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it (---screw</div> <div> that book)</div> <bR> <div> 26. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="163133d0.gif" border=0 width="275" height="61" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> This man is working on the buses and collecting tickets.</div> <div> He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman</div> <div> half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the</div> <div> bus and is killed. At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and</div> <div> seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his</div> <div> execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final</div> <div> wish.</div> <bR> <div> "Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes" answers the executioner.</div> <bR> <div> "Can I have that green banana ?"</div> <bR> <div> The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits</div> <div> till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips</div> <div> the switch sending hundreds of volts through the man. When the smoke</div> <div> clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.</div> <bR> <div> "Can I go?" the man asks.</div> <bR> <div> "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."</div> <bR> <div> The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling</div> <div> tickets. Yet again he rings the bell for the driver to go when</div> <div> people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is</div> <div> killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.</div> <bR> <div> The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the</div> <div> chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is</div> <div> again sat in the chair.</div> <bR> <div> "What is your final wish ?" asks the executioner.</div> <bR> <div> "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the</div> <div> condemned man.</div> <bR> <div> The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.</div> <div> The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the</div> <div> switch.</div> <div> Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When</div> <div> the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The</div> <div> executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.</div> <bR> <div> The bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the</div> <div> bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three</div> <div> of them.</div> <div> He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all</div> <div> the worlds electricity to the chair, determined to get his man</div> <div> this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.</div> <bR> <div> "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner.</div> <bR> <div> "Well" says the man, "can I have that green banana out of your</div> <div> packed lunch."</div> <bR> <div> The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin</div> <div> included. The executioner pulls the handle and a zillion million</div> <div> trillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is</div> <div> still sat there alive without even a burn mark.</div> <bR> <div> "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can</div> <div> still be alive after all that?" He stroked his chin. "Its something to</div> <div> do with that green banana isn't it?" he asked.</div> <bR> <div> "Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a bad conductor."</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="1680d3f0.gif" border=0 width="269" height="63" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front</div> <div> door of an  erotic sex shop.</div> <bR> <div> Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles  the few feet</div> <div> across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the  counter and</div> <div> grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:</div> <bR> <div> "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"</div> <bR> <div> The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:</div> <bR> <div> "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."</div> <bR> <div> The old woman then asks:</div> <bR> <div> "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong</div> <div> aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"</div> <div> The clerk responds, "Yes we do".</div> <bR> <div> "Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn</div> <div> ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"   </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="163133d0.gif" border=0 width="275" height="61" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome to Mr Gs web site"><U><IMG SRC="6d252260.gif" border=0 width="82" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A> <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><A HREF="id47.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Funnyun Jokes 2"><U><IMG SRC="499641e0.gif" border=0 width="100" height="30" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></FONT></div> <bR> <div>  <A HREF="http://new.topsitelists.com/topsites.cgi?ID=66&user=humor&area=homestead"><IMG SRC="http://www.ameritech.net/users/iamperfect/vote.gif" border=0></A>  </div> </td> </tr></table></body>